Right before the jetway door closed, I scrambled aboard the plane going from LA to Chicago, lugging my laptop and overstuffed briefcase. It was the first leg of an important business trip a few weeks before Christmas, and I was running late. I had a ton of work to catch up on, half wishing, half praying I muttered,.
I was on the aisle in a two seat row. Across sat a businesswoman with her nose buried in a newspaper. No problem. But in the seat beside mine, next to the window, was a young boy wearing a big red tag around his neck: Minor Traveling Unattended. The kid sat perfectly still, hands in his lap, eyes straight ahead.
He'd probably been told never to talk to strangers. Good, I thought. Then the flight attendant came by. I offered my hand, and Michael shook it twice straight up and down. Sure I do. The captains' voice came over the speakers: "Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff. I leaned over and said,. I ask God to keep the plane safe and to send angels to protect us.
I'm not afraid because my mama's already waiting to go to heaven. And there's probably a fishing boat full of guys like you and me. Does your dad ever take you fishing? Only 6 years old and he didn't have a dad, and his Mom had died, and here he was flying halfway across the country all by himself. The least I could do was make sure he had a good flight.
With my foot I pushed my briefcase under my seat. When he emerged, he wore a wet shirt and a huge smile. Michael got the VIP treatment from the crew during snack time. I took out my laptop and tried to work on a talk I had to give, but my mind kept going to Michael. I couldn't stop looking at the crumpled grocery bag on the floor by his seat.
He'd told me that everything he owned was in that bag.
Poor kid. While Michael was getting a tour of the cockpit the flight attendant told me his grandmother would pick him up in Chicago.
No, the food is resplendent , but I can't eat. I can't wait to see them on you. Please verify your birth date to continue. Plus we realized we still needed something to fill our empty third bedroom. I hear ya. All Episodes
In the seat pocket a large manila envelope held all the paperwork regarding his custody. He came back explaining, "I got wings! I got cards! Hey, yesterday, you were as excited about it as I was! That was when I thought a recliner was the height of aspiration. It's all so clear to me now. I'm Frasier and you're Frasier's dad. Anyway, this is not my fault, it's yours! If I hadn't wasted all these years with you ill-mannered monsters, I would've known better than to give a Spider-Man backpack as a gift! You guys have dragged me down to your level! Wow, he's really upset.
Francine, I'm sure he Ah! Stan, are you all right? Stan, can you hear me?! The chair has him now. Stan, wake up. You've been down here all night. Oh, Fran-Fran. Hi, baby. How are you? Oh, you're so pretty. Look how relaxed my muscles are. We're about to meet our new son. It's really happening. Michael, it's us. Your new parents. Oh, my God, he's perfect! Roger is their adopted baby?
But that can't be. I just saw Roger sleeping in the attic. He was two pillows and a soccer ball. Oh, wait a minute. Welcome to your new room, Michael. Russian accent : So, what is system in America? Do I put sock on door handle if I am being raped? Michael, we're happy you're here, but you're gonna have to lose the nasty accent. It's nasty, nasty. I told you he'd be a genius. The trick to parenting is patience. Now, what sophisticated stuff are we gonna do first? Michael, this is your Life Binder. Your new daddies have already planned out your entire future with color-coded tabs.
I'll treasure this for the rest of my color-coded life. Okay, now, to bed with you. This antique chaise longue is my bed? Yes, and this is so you have to sleep very carefully. Yeah, try not to put all your weight on it. Sweet dreams, angel. Get lost, this is my home now. Well, what are you gonna do when the actual Russian kid shows up? Oh, I took care of that.
By February, I'll have mastered conversational Japanese. And I think I saw something in here about Dartmouth. Yup, I'm going to Dartmouth. Dartmouth fight song Dartmouth fight song. Those words probably aren't right, but I got a fifty-fifty shot the tune's dead-on. Ugh, quit pretending you're something you're not. I know exactly who I am.
I wasted years in that double-wide trailer you call a house. You've given me nothing and I deserve everything. I've given you nothing? You betrayer. Roger, you are coming home with me if I have to drag you out. Oh, really? Oh, hi, I'm, uh selling magazine subscriptions and we're offering a two-year deal on House Beautiful. Get out of here. Fine, I'm leaving. Russian accent : Bad man remind me of caretaker at orphanage who touch us with rake.
Oh, Michael accent. Okay, children. Quick, organic breakfast, and then you, mademoiselle, are going downtown to get your very own Lena Dunham upper arm tattoo. I like Lena Dunham. It's nice to see someone with my exact body type succeed. Terry, hon, you want to make us something easy? Say, frittatas? Coming right up. Those eggs are not cage-free. The store was out, I-I didn't think it mattered. Of course it matters.
I'm very particular about what I put in my body. Might I remind you that you selected him. I'm going out to get more eggs.
The kind of eggs I thought we'd agreed to eat for the rest of our lives. Quick, eat up. He'll be back in 15 minutes. Wha What are you doing? Taking a little break from Greg's impossibly high expectations. Wait a minute, I thought you were Greg. No, I'm Terry. Anyway, everything has to be so perfect with him.
But, you know, sometimes you just want a Ho Ho. Eat up! Oh, my God! Papa, you're not sophisticated! You're a brute! I mean, Ho Hos are Our little secret? You're really bad at eating.
Roger said we have no class? Well, the crappier our house, the more Roger and his new highbrow family will hate living across from us. Uh, how much for this old fridge? Oh, this isn't a yard sale, it's yard clutter. But feel free to stick around, smoke, maybe defecate by a bush. Ah, I should go to work. Oh, my God, what is he doing?! I'll take care of this. Your chair's in the sightline of my fabulous life. Get it inside. Oh, am I an eyesore to your perfect little world? At least I'm not an ear-sore. Or maybe I am. What's that? You want it loud? Life is a highway I wanna ride it All night long, oh!
I have permission! Has the fish turned? No, the food is resplendent, but I can't eat. I just keep seeing Stan in that terrible chair. I know, that La-Z-Boy. You know what we should do, just to teach him a lesson? We should get one of those chairs. You're kidding, right? Well, we'd buy it ironically, of course. And since it's my idea, I'd sit in it most of the time. You know, mockingly.
No, no, bad idea! Greg, tell him! Plot Keywords. Parents Guide. External Sites. User Reviews. User Ratings. External Reviews. Metacritic Reviews.
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